How to use Hypnotherapy to build self-confidence!
We all have times where we lack a bit of confidence, maybe the challenge of doing something different like starting a new job or a new relationship.
These moments of lacking self-confidence are usually transitory. Finding out that we are actually good at tacking something new in life, and being successful at it, can help to build a foundation for future enterprise.
The underpinning of good confidence is self-esteem. When you feel good about yourself, you are much more likely to be able to handle new things, and have a more positive expectation of success rather than a fear of failure.
Increasing your self-esteem and confidence is a skill you can easily learn.
What is self-esteem anyhow?
Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves.
When we have healthy self-esteem, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. It makes us better able to deal with life’s ups and downs.
When our self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our life in a more negative and critical light. We also feel less able to take on the challenges that life throws at us.
Low self-esteem often begins in childhood. Our teachers, friends, siblings, parents, and even the media send us positive and negative messages about ourselves. For some reason, the message that you are not good enough is the one that stays with you.
Perhaps you found it difficult to live up to other people’s expectations of you, or to your own expectations. Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement, can have a negative effect on self-esteem. Personality can also play a part. Some people are just more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves.
If you have low self-esteem or confidence, you may hide yourself away from social situations, stop trying new things, and avoid things you find challenging.
In the short term, avoiding challenging and difficult situations might make you feel safe. In the longer term, this can backfire because it reinforces your underlying doubts and fears. It teaches you the unhelpful rule that the only way to cope is by avoiding things.
Living with low self-esteem can harm your mental health and lead to problems such as depression and anxiety. You may also develop unhelpful habits, such as smoking and drinking too much, as a way of coping.
How do we build confidence?
To boost your self-esteem, you need to identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself, then challenge them.
You may tell yourself you’re “too stupid” to apply for a new job, for example, or that “nobody cares” about you. Start to note these negative thoughts and write them on a piece of paper or in a diary.
Ask yourself when you first started to think these thoughts.
Next, start to write some evidence that challenges these negative beliefs, such as, “I’m really good at cryptic crosswords” or “My sister calls for a chat every week”.
Write down other positive things about yourself, such as “I’m thoughtful” or “I’m a great cook” or “I’m someone that others trust”. Also write some good things that other people say about you.
Aim to have at least 5 positive things on your list and add to it regularly. Then put your list somewhere you can see it. That way, you can keep reminding yourself that you’re OK.
You might have low confidence now because of what happened when you were growing up, but we can grow and develop new ways of seeing ourselves at any age.
Recognize what you’re good at. We’re all good at something, whether it’s cooking, singing, doing puzzles or being a friend. We also tend to enjoy doing the things we’re good at, which can help boost your mood
Build positive relationships. If you find certain people tend to bring you down, try to spend less time with them, or tell them how you feel about their words or actions.
Try to build relationships with people who are positive and who appreciate you.
Be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself means being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical.
Think what you’d say to a friend in a similar situation. We often give far better advice to others than we do to ourselves.
Learn to be assertive. Being assertive is about respecting other people’s opinions and needs, and expecting the same from them. One trick is to look at other people who act assertively and copy what they do. It’s not about pretending you’re someone you’re not. It’s picking up hints and tips from people you admire and letting the real you come out.
Start saying “no”. People with low self-esteem often feel they have to say yes to other people, even when they do not really want to. The risk is that you become overburdened, resentful, angry and depressed. For the most part, saying no does not upset relationships. It can be helpful to keep saying no, but in different ways, until they get the message.
Give yourself a challenge. We all feel nervous or afraid to do things at times. But people with healthy self-esteem do not let these feelings stop them trying new things or taking on challenges.
Set yourself a goal, such as joining an exercise class or going to a social occasion. Achieving your goals will help to increase your self-esteem.
How does hypnotherapy help with confidence?
Hypnotherapy works from 2 different directions, firstly to look and see what has actually caused the lack of confidence in the past, and then to give you the tools you need to be able to re-learn important lessons so that you can see yourself and the world you live in, in a more positive and optimistic light.
Hypnotherapy can help you to stop comparing and stay focused on yourself, to relax a little more, stay focused and not to worry unduly about the little things that don’t matter. It can help you to be more positive and optimistic, to see the good in every situation and remember that life is way to short to waste your time on things that aren’t important.
Remember, your exterior world is a reflection of who you are and how you feel about being you. To change your outer world, you have to change your inner world. That’s where hypnosis really comes in.